The Great and Powerful Mom

What I Did Today Instead of Housework

2011-08-18T12:53:00.004-04:00

Today I decided to catch a few photos of the elusive yet noisy squirrel in the butternut tree. He's really chewing through the shells in order to get to the nuts inside, but I have the Goober believing he's really laughing at him and his poor squirrel-hunting skills.

He seems to be saying, "Getouttahere, human! I'm trying to eat lunch in peace. I'll ridicule your dog later."

It's Time to Get Back at it!

2011-08-18T12:37:00.006-04:00

Lordy, but it's been a long time since I posted. I've been reading the blogs of others, but not working on my own. Therefore, since I'm officially out of school--and the boy's back in it--it's time to get cracking!

I'm no longer a Homeschooling Mom or Graduate Student (hence the change in my blog title), but I'm still harried, and at times still on the edge. We've added a Husband (see the Tall Bald Guy), a cat (the Feline in Charge of Mayhem) and a dog (Diva) to the mix, as well as a Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and a job at a local hospital.

Henceforth, the material contained within shall still consist of caffeinated ravings of a different sort...maybe.

Fun, Watchable! Damn.

2009-05-22T17:09:00.002-04:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film

2009-05-17T13:17:00.005-04:00

You Redo the Math

The Washington Post
Sunday, May 17, 2009

Recent gossip and a pesky paparazzi ambush have detonated a marital-woe bomb in the world of "Jon & Kate Plus 8," the TLC reality show about Jon and Kate Gosselin, the Pennsylvania couple who have twins and sextuplets. Is he dating around? Is she? Has he finally had it with her nagging? Are they going to stick together? The uncertainty!

While we wait for more fireworks (and the series's May 25 return), maybe it's time for a new show title. Joel McHale of "The Soup" has already referred to it as "Jon Minus Nine." Post readers in The Reliable Source chat room the other day chimed in with the popular "Jon & Kate Separa-8" and "Jon & Kate Plus Dates." Okay, this is a tad cruel but it's fun. What about . . .

Jon & Kate Plus Court Dates

Jon & Kate Mediate

Jon & Kate: Mady's Revenge

Jon & Kate on a Hot Tin Roof

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Things I Hate About You

Jon & Kate: The Shaming of the Shrew

Jon & Kate: Harpy Days

Jon & Kate: The Hatey Bunch

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Appearance Fees Plus Book Deals Times Ladies' Night Drink Specials Divided by Paparazzi Over the Square Root of Scandal = Sweet Schadenfreude

Jon & Kate: Cold Silence

-- Monica Hesse and Hank Stuever

Throwback?

2009-05-16T20:33:00.006-04:00

Pepsi to Use Real Sugar in 'Pepsi Throwback' and 'Mountain Dew Throwback' in April

BevReview.com

One of the most anticipated beverages of 2009 is hitting shelves with the arrival of Pepsi Throwback, a natural sugar version of Pepsi sweetened with a combination of cane/beet sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Possessing an official release date of April 20, this limited edition soft drink will be available for only 8 weeks.

Could they think of something besides 'throwback?' It's not Neanderthal Pepsi, after all..."Cavedwellers, Nomads, and Food Allergics alike will just LOVE new Pepsi Throwback!" Sheesh.

Ahh, the Yearly Book Sale...

2009-04-02T15:52:00.005-04:00

They might as well call it Christmas in April. It's the annual book sale, and is probably the only time you'll find me running to the campus library on a weekday.

At eight o'clock in the morning, no less--with a Tall Bald Guy and a Young Man in tow. Not that they weren't excited about the possibilities...it's just that they were able to rein in their enthusiasm a little better.

I told the Young Man last night before he went to bed that he had better wake up when I call him, because we're going to get there early, by God. He laughed at me. "You've said that three times already. Just let me go to sleep. Jeez."

Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to his room early this morning (crowbar in hand to pry his head off the pillow), only to find him sitting up in bed looking at me. "I'm awake already!" TGAPM jumped about three feet in the air--sure beats caffeine for waking up in the morning. Either he wanted to go too or he was afraid to keep his mother away from a stack of random musty library castoffs. Smart guy.

I told the Tall Bald Guy a couple of days ago, right after I saw the ad on the campus website, which was right after I hung up the phone with him. Something that good just couldn't wait. He laughed at me too, but there was a sardonic tone to it, as he remembers last year's sale. Fortunately, the memory of last year's sore biceps from carrying all the random musty library castoffs of 2008 was overshadowed by the memory of lurking in the ancient history and science fiction sections.

The Tall Bald Guy not only shared our enthusiasm for random musty library castoffs, he suggested getting there soon after the sale opens in order to find a parking space in the actual parking lot of the library. The over-celebrated, tremendously hyped student-fitness-center-in-construction takes up half the original parking lot space there (as well as $200 a year of my money!), and the construction workers' vehicles take up another fourth of it--and as I remember, the undergrads who can actually pry themselves out of their beds or who are still drunk when they arrive at their 8:00 classes are a mighty lazy bunch, and the parking lot fills up rather quickly.

We get inside, and immediately my radar kicks in and tells me that the books are all in the back east corner. The Tall Bald Guy and the Young Man mumble, "There she goes," and the beeping in my internal radar gets louder as I approach my destination. Little did I know that I passed a computer at which a male student was sitting viewing a webpage that featured a woman dressed in all the accoutrements needed for...uh...bondage. Yep. Great place for a 14-year-old boy, these college libraries. The Tall Bald Guy said the Young Man didn't see it, "even when I pointed it out to him...just kidding."

In the corner just inside the door sits an enormous stack of empty cardboard beer cases. Yep, beer cases. Miller Lite, Budwiser, and Bud Light all over the place. "How nice of the frat boys to help the library out like that," says the Tall Bald Guy. How nice indeed. They certainly went the extra mile for this fine institution.

Not that I was too proud to carry one, mind you. Or, should I say, I was not too proud to tell the Young Man to go get one. He and the Tall Bald Guy each got a box in anticipation of the carnage that was to come, and followed me at a safe distance as I perused the titles on every table. At one point, seeing the guys' boxes filling up so fast, one of the library ladies asked us if everything was okay, and the Tall Bald Guy quipped, "We may just fill up all of your boxes here. I don't suppose you have anything with wheels?" A few minutes later, said library lady brought us a cart to put our boxes on. You don't joke around with the library ladies--they're serious about their book selling! We ended up filling three boxes, and the Young Man patiently followed behind me, pushing the cart wherever I went. The Tall Bald Guy said, "you know, people are looking at you being followed by that cart," to which I snapped, "I'm not the one who suggested a wheeled box, am I?" but secretly I was glad for it. This is the first book sale for the Young Man, and I didn't want him overwhelmed; as it was, the Tall Bald Guy nearly ended up curled up in the fetal position in the back of the truck after last year's sale, rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself.

We found books for everyone--even a Mitford series book that the Grandma Behind the Curtain hasn't read yet. The Far Side books for the Young Man and me, selections by Poe and Herriot, and even The Cartoon History of the Universe and The Cartoon History of the United States. Also found were an older edition of a psychopathology handbook and The Oxford Companion to United States History, snapped up and purchased for $2 apiece-their retail prices are $175.00 and $87.95, respectively.

The Tall Bald Guy came away with volumes related to the medical terminology and A&P classes he has coming up this summer, guaranteed to assist him in all that gross anatomical ickiness that makes my stomach go all squishy. He spent $16 and came away with hundreds of dollars worth of books. The Young Man and I spent $24--when we got home, I searched for the prices of these books new, and they would have cost approximately $630.

Sigh. Nothing like a good book sale. Next time (I have already pestered the Tall Bald Guy about taking me on Saturday) the two guys will take plenty of ibuprofen first. The contented sighs as I look over my merchandise almost didn't drown out the moaning and groaning about biceps and lower backs and "those dang beer boxes."

2009-02-09T19:28:00.001-05:00

All you frutescent-haired foppotees, put down your sinapistic sandwiches and unite!!

http://www.savethewords.org/

And no, I'm not cussing. Honest.

And the Reigning Champion, The Great and Powerful Mom!

2009-02-01T23:32:00.003-05:00

I have outdone myself.

Truly.

Once again, I have proven that I am The Great and Powerful Mom.

How, you say? By taking advantage of the Young Man's medicine head.

...which I suppose is not really a victory, but it was fun!

I told him on the way home tonight that I purchased a Groundhog pizza for him to cook while I was away at school--in celebration of the day and all.

"Groundhog? Really?"
"Yep."
"People eat that?"
"Yep. Lots of people do."

Fast forward to bedtime. I ask, "So, are you going to have Kody over for some Groundhog pizza tomorrow?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Why don't you go check the freezer?"

He checks the freezer and can't find it.

I tell him to look again. He still can't find it.

"I found the sausage ones, but not the groundhog."

I actually have to point it out to him. "You know, GROUND HOG?"

Oh, to be 14 and zonked out on cold medicine...

Reflections on a Winter's Day

2009-01-28T11:43:00.001-05:00

1. Snow ice cream is really good no matter how cold it is.

2. Additionally, there is a sense that this suburbanite has conquered the elements—at least, when it comes to ice cream cravings. As long as the vanilla, sugar, and milk hold out, I can go out and conquer the wild snowdrift!

3. The Young Man’s cold takes on a new level of worry in 10 ½ inches of snow…perhaps it’s just the possibility of bronchitis in 10 ½ inches of snow.

4. Black dogs look like they’ve been heavily salted after a frolic in the snow.

5. When the Tall Bald Guy, who hails from Pennsylvania, says that “when the snow gets deep enough the dog will figure out how to lift a leg”…he’s right.

6. Leg warmers may be a fashion don’t, but they’re a toasty don’t. When your classmate says, “That’s so Eighties!” agree and say, “Totally! And my feet are warm, too.”

Ode to an Indiana Snowman: Winter 2007

2009-01-28T11:34:00.004-05:00

Born the morning after an Indiana snowstorm

We made you…all 2 ½ feet of you.

There was only that much snow…”but wait 5 minutes, it’ll change.”

We named you Lumpy because, well, you were. Sculptors, we’re not.

A few hours later your eyes fell out, and we named you Homer (not Simpson! says the Young Man).

Later that afternoon your nose fell off, and we named you Michael Jackson.

The next morning your arms fell off, and you again became Lumpy
Because, well…you were.

That afternoon you were jaundiced. The dog found you especially interesting.

Such is the life of an Indiana Snowman.

Unpredictable. Ever-changing. Ephemeral.

Uhh...yeah.

2008-12-22T22:11:00.004-05:00

EASTON, Pa. (AP) — The father of 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, denied a birthday cake with the child's full name on it by one New Jersey supermarket, is asking for a little tolerance.
Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the nearby ShopRite, but also with an outpouring of angry Internet postings in response to a local newspaper article about the cake.

Okay, where to start? Let's see...another redneck spouting off and using his children to forward his agenda-for the third year in a row, even...who wanted his son's MIDDLE name on the cake, too (who does that?)...who named his other kids Honszlynn Hinler and Aryan Nation (note the brown eyes on the kid)...who KEPT the name Heath instead of changing his own name, preferring to sentence his children to a lifetime of unemployment, harassment, embarrassment, and possibly endanger their lives.

I suppose even bad publicity is publicity...

You Know You've Crafted Yourself Silly When...

2008-12-18T16:30:00.003-05:00

http://www.bored.com/games/play/93/Coaster-Maker.html

You read "Coaster Maker" and think coffee tables, not theme parks.

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

2008-12-12T20:45:00.003-05:00

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia --- I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, MAYBE I’ll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...

10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

14. Depression --- Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely

15. Passive-Aggressive Personality --- On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

The Young Man's Christmas List: 2008

2008-11-25T23:02:00.021-05:00

Yes, it's that time of year again, and the Young Man has a new Christmas list. I will not pretend to know what in the world some of these things are, as I have passed the age of understanding (or I'm seriously lacking in mental capacity).

So here's the list, in no particular order of importance. Please note that I am merely the messenger, and all questions regarding items on the list will be met with a shrug and an "I dunno" from The Great and Powerful Mom.

Please note also that as I am typing this list, the Young Man is adding to it. I'm not sure that it will ever be done...you know how it is. It's an ambitious list, and the Young Man is quite aware--because I have told him that repeatedly. He knows he's not going to get all of it, but wants to throw a lot of ideas out there.

1. The Wii version of Sonic Unleashed.

2. A new GameCube controller--non-wireless, please. (TGAPM note: He has recently done some surgery on his controllers, replacing good parts for bad ones. Yes, the Rest Home for Wayward and Elderly Electronics is well under way here in Indiana...actually, ours is just a satellite location; just ask the Tall Bald Guy)

3. The World Ends With You for the DS.

4. A Classic Controller for the Wii. (So he and the Codester can play more games together.)

5. Wii points.

6. Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii

TGAPM Note: The nut went out and bought it with the rest of his birthday money. Sheesh. I have sentenced him to forty lashes with wet garland.

7. A Gaming Mouse and Keyboard.

8. Stuff to make the computer games run faster. (TGAPM note: The Tall Bald Guy said something about memory for the computer, but my own memory fails me, so I'm just quoting the Young Man on this one.)

TGAPM also has suggestions for the Young Man, which are maybe a little more practical, but nonetheless are things he could always use:

1. Tracfone minutes

2. Rechargeable AA batteries and a charger (for the Wii controller)

3. Sweatshirts--this year he's into the zip-up kind

4. Snarky t-shirts (I think that's genetic--and I'm blaming this one on the Big Brother!)

5. Those teeny little headphone things--you know, the earpieces that go halfway into your brain...yeah, I'm old.

6. Little Caesar's Pizza gift card--one just opened up not a 1/2 mile from here, and the Young Man and the Codester are loving it!

AND..I'm really going to say it...SOCKS. Ha!

Sigh...

2008-11-10T22:13:00.003-05:00

Seems I forgot how fun it was home schooling a little boy.

Over the last couple of weeks I (and a couple of enthusiastic neighbors) had the pleasure of helping out a friend with her 9-year-old boy. He loves science, computer games, and building things with toothpicks and marshmallows.

We stepped back a bit to get some schoolwork done but include the Little Guy at the same time, and we all had a blast. Either Little Guy has more energy than the Young Man did at nine, or I'm just getting old and out of shape...I think we all know which one is true!

There were sunny fall days at the park, afternoons spent flying toy planes and experimenting with loops and dives (and a score of rubber-ball pitches into the tree to get said toy down--TGAPM's still got it!), Spanish lessons (complete with serious competitions for the aforementioned marshmallows) and Toothpick Fish. Here's a link:

http://genetics-education-partnership.mbt.washington.edu/download/toothpickfish.pdf

Of course, we couldn't pass up the chance to do some Bikini Bottom genetic research with Spongebob and pals...

http://www.oswego308.org/schools/uploads/files/71765/Spongebob%20Genetics_1.pdf

...and I learned that structures made out of toothpicks and marshmallows can only go up six stories before the marshmallows completely give way. Next time we'll wait a few days for them to harden and add more stories.

Actually, I think Little Guy's Mom was pretty lucky to get him back at the end of the two weeks. He's a cute little stinker, and lots of fun, and I think my neighbors seriously considered not returning him home to Mom.

It was a great break from the ordinary, and we had a lot of fun, but unfortunately it's time to trade in the toys for the textbooks. The Young Man left in my house is currently flipping through one of my new favorite books:

The Teenager's Guide to the Real World
by Marshall Brain

http://www.bygpub.com/books/tg2rw/index.htm

He likes the format, and he likes knowing he's one up on his contemporaries...for example, just today he said that suits weren't really stuffy after all and that he understands why people in a suit are taken more seriously.

Why didn't they make a book like this a long time ago?

So while it was fun tripping down Memory Lane for a while, I think it's time to reenter the world of 20th century history and pre-algebra, as well as the lilting strains of "Dangit!" and "Hepl!!" that waft through the house (and yes, that's really spelled h-e-p-l, pronounced "hepuhl!").

Sigh...what fun.

"Oww Wii"

2008-11-09T09:11:00.004-05:00

By Will Albritton / The Fresno Bee
12/14/06 17:55:17

Kevin Wray says he's never seen a gaming system as interactive as the new Nintendo Wii. And as an avid gamer, he's seen them all.

But with a gaming console that requires its players to stand up and move around comes a price: muscle soreness. Exercise physiologist and Fresno State professor Felicia Greer says the Wii is good for video gamers who may not otherwise get any exercise, as long as they prepare their bodies for the movements they're about to make.

While that video focuses on one health risk associated with the Wii, Greer (who's quickly becoming our resident health expert,) says gaming systems like the Wii could have major benefits, such as combating the ever-increasing obesity problem with today's youth.

Why didn't anybody warn us adults? Oy.

The Great and Powerful Mom (and the Grandma Behind the Curtain) surprised the Young Man with a Wii for his birthday, and the Big Brother was even in on it with accessories and a game he's been wanting. I figured, "he's into video games, he'll never guess that he's getting one from the likes of us (given our fixed incomes and the fact that we're about as electronically literate as the cat--Big Brother excepted), and I can play games with him." It has long been known that TGAPM gets "barfy" watching the Young Man play video games--I figured if I'm moving while the games are moving, I wouldn't need those motion sickness pills anymore.

I was right. I don't need motion sickness pills anymore...but I can say with authority that there's a whole new market that Nintendo hasn't tapped into:

Wii First Aid

Complete with:

Book of Stretching Exercises

Ibuprofen

Heating Pad

Special Instructions for Kids:

"When Dad Throws his Back Out Bowling"

"It's Not Rigor Mortis, it's Just the Day After Mom's Boxing Match"

"'No, Mom, Your Neck Won't Stick Like That'--How to Reassure Parents the Day After"

"'It Hurts When I Wii': How to Tell Mom and Dad to Rest Already"

So far, all the jokes about "Wii-ing all afternoon" make up for the pain--a little.

The Mystery Machine

2008-10-05T15:03:00.003-04:00

What in the world is it?

There's a sack of grain next to it...is it a grain mill?

More Victory Days

2008-10-05T14:27:00.013-04:00

Victory Days 2008

2008-10-04T23:31:00.012-04:00

Where's June Cleaver When We Need Her?

2008-10-02T19:44:00.006-04:00

I really needed her today. I needed her to walk up to the couch, take my cell phone, and say, "Excuse me, dear. I speak Jive."

You see, today I'm officially old. Well, maybe I was long ago, but it didn't feel so final then as it does today. Today something really good happened. Really. It was just in relating it to The Young Man that I felt, once and for all, like a true fuddy-duddy.

This afternoon I took The Dog out on one of his many "I-really-don't-hafta-potty-I'm-just-gonna-make-you-think-that-so-you'll-take-me-out-and-I-can-sniff" excursions when he spotted our new neighbor. In true half hound/half chicken style he growled and barked menacingly, effectively scaring the poor woman, and then crept up to her shoes to sniff her and then yelp and back away as she reached down to pet him.

Yep, fierce.

Anyway, it turns out that she has a 13 year old grandson living with her who's....

...brace yourselves...

...homeschooled!

Finally, another Young Man for my Young Man to hang out with...and homeschooled, to boot!

Anyway, I texted The Young Man (yep, TGAPM leaps into the technological age!) and he said it was "totally epic."

Epic?

Like the Iliad?

Can something be partially epic? I dunno.

What ever happened to Bitchin'? Far Out? Groovy? Tubular?

Sigh. I thought it was bad when I could no longer set the clock on the VCR (remember those things? Yes, I still have one...)

I'm going to need a translator. Maybe the college's Communication Disorders department can assist me. After all, "Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help! Shiiiiit."

Well, even though my native language has mutated into something I'll never again understand, I'm still doing a happy dance. I wonder what a happy dance is called now?

Happy Birthday, Emoticon!

2008-09-18T21:39:00.009-04:00

By Tony Long, Wired

1982: At precisely 11:44 a.m., Scott Fahlman posts the following electronic message to a computer-science department bulletin board at Carnegie Mellon University:
19-Sep-82 11:44 Scott E Fahlman :-)From: Scott E Fahlman

I propose that the following character sequence for joke markers:

:-)

Read it sideways. Actually, it is probably more economical to mark things that are NOT jokes, given current trends. For this, use:

:-(

With that post, Fahlman became the acknowledged originator of the ASCII-based emoticon.

...forever replacing the little heart over the "i"

that girls are so fond of...

Ye Have the Buckles--Swash Them!

2008-09-18T21:39:00.008-04:00

Yes, once again, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day. Where did the year go?

Posted on Sun, Sep. 08, 2002
Arrrrr! Talk like a pirate -- or prepare to be boarded
BY DAVE BARRY

Every now and then, some visionary individuals come along with a concept that is so original and so revolutionary that your immediate reaction is: ''Those individuals should be on medication.''

Today I want to tell you about two such people, John Baur and Mark Summers, who have come up with a concept that is going to make you kick yourself for not thinking of it first: Talk Like a Pirate Day. As the name suggests, this is a day on which everybody would talk like a pirate. Is that a great idea, or what? There are so many practical benefits that I can't even begin to list them all.

Baur and Summers came up with this idea a few years ago. They were playing racquetball, and, as so often happens, they began talking like pirates. And then it struck them: Why not have a day when EVERYBODY talks like a pirate? They decided that the logical day would be Sept. 19, because that -- as you are no doubt aware -- is Summers' ex-wife's birthday.

Since then, Baur and Summers have made a near-superhuman effort to promote Talk Like a Pirate Day. As Baur puts it: ``We've talked like pirates, and encouraged our several friends to, every Sept. 19, except for a couple where we forgot.''

And yet, incredibly, despite this well-orchestrated campaign, the nation has turned a deaf shoulder to Talk Like a Pirate Day. In desperation, Baur and Summers turned to me for help. As an influential newspaper columnist, I have the power to ''make or break'' a national day. You may recall that almost nobody celebrated Thanksgiving until I began writing about it in the 1970s.

I have given Baur's and Summers' idea serious thought, looking for ways to improve it. One variation I considered was Talk Like a Member of the Lollipop Guild Day, on which everybody would talk like the three Munchkins in the film version of The Wizard of Oz who welcome Dorothy to Munchkin Land by singing with one corner of their mouths drooping down, as though they have large invisible dental suction devices hanging from their lips. But I realized that would be stupid.

So I have decided to throw my full support behind Talk Like a Pirate Day, to be observed this Sept. 19. To help promote this important cause, I have decided to seek the endorsement of famous celebrities, and I am pleased to report that, as of today, Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, Oprah Winfrey, the Osbournes, Tiger Woods, Ted Koppel, the Sopranos, Puff Doody and the late Elvis Presley are all people who I hope will read this column and become big supporters. I see no need to recruit President Bush, because he already talks like a pirate, as we can see from this transcript of a recent White House press conference:

REPORTER: Could you please explain either your foreign or your domestic policy?

PRESIDENT BUSH: Arrrrr.

To prepare for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you should practice incorporating pirate terminology into your everyday speech. For example, let's consider a typical conversation between two co-workers in a business office:

BOB: Hi. Mary.

MARY: Hi, Bob. Have you had a chance to look at the Fennerman contract?

BOB: Yes, and I have some suggestions.

MARY: OK, I'll review them.

Now let's see how this same conversation would sound on Talk Like a Pirate Day:

BOB: Avast, me beauty.

MARY: Avast, Bob. Is that a yardarm in your doubloons, or are you just glad to see me?

BOB: You are giving me the desire to haul some keel.

MARY: Arrrrr.

As you can see, talking like a pirate will infuse your everyday conversations with romance and danger. So join the movement! On Sept. 19, do not answer the phone with ''hello.'' Answer the phone with ''Ahoy me hearty!'' If the caller objects that he is not a hearty, inform him that he is a scurvy dog (or, if the caller is female, a scurvy female dog) who will be walking the plank off the poop deck and winding up in Davy Jones' locker, sleeping with the fishes. No, wait, that would be Talk Like a Pirate in The Godfather Day, which is another variation I considered (``I'm gonna make him an offer that will shiver his timbers'').

But the point is, this is a great idea, and you, me bucko, should be part of it. Join us on Sept. 19. You HAVE the buckles, darn it: Don't be afraid to swash them! Let's make this into a grass-roots movement that sweeps the nation, like campaign-finance reform, or Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I truly think this idea could bring us, as a nation, closer together.

But not TOO much closer. Some of us will have swords.

© 2002 Dave Barry. All Rights Reserved.http://www.miamiherald.com

2008-09-18T21:39:00.005-04:00

Web Photo of the Day

2008-09-18T21:39:00.003-04:00

Who's a happy dog?

"Imagine You Are a Rosebush," or The Young Man is Jealous

2008-09-11T22:54:00.014-04:00

This picture is from an exercise I did in class last night. It’s me if I were a rosebush.

Yeah, really.

After being taken through a brief relaxation exercise, we were told to imagine that “for the next few minutes, you are a rosebush. Are you in bloom? Do you live in a park, a front yard, or do you sprout from a crack in the concrete? What color are your blooms? Do you have roots?” Apparently this is used a lot with children, especially adolescent girls.

I do hope I wasn’t the only one in my class who had to bite her lip hard enough to draw blood upon hearing that I was a rosebush. I hardly think giggling about it would have endeared me to my professor.

Am I the only one, or is that the last thing you think of when you’re trying to relax?

The Young Man has decided that grad school is far more entertaining (if not considerably more weird) than eighth grade, and that for him to do Algebra and Science while I’m considering the many meanings that simple nuance adds to the phrase “Son of a Bitch” is just not fair.

I can’t say I blame him at this point…especially since I told him that after that exercise we were told to imagine we were a cookie.

I’d take him to class with me, but who knows what they’ll have him doing—baying a the moon, dancing ‘round the room and clucking like a chicken, imagining he’s a dandelion or a wad of chewed gum or a copy machine?

At least there will be 15 adults in the room with him all doing the same thing. Perhaps that’s the most scary thought of all…

2008-09-11T22:49:00.002-04:00

You Are 0% Goth

Goth? No. Definitely not. You hardly even wear black clothing.

And to be honest, dark, brooding goth types freak you out a little.

To the extent that you have any goth interests, it's only because some goth stuff has become mainstream.

There's no chance anyone's going to find you in a graveyard after dark, that's for sure!

Are You Goth?

Thank goodness! I was beginning to get a little worried...

Web Photo of the Day

2008-09-08T10:13:00.002-04:00

It's a bit early, but we're ready! Bring on the snow!

Graduate School=Arts and Crafts

2008-09-04T16:32:00.005-04:00

My Jungian Mandala for Theories Class

Who would have thought that grad school would involve so much cutting and pasting?

For my Techniques lab, Dude said, "Make a collage to give your classmates ideas for interview questions."

For Theories class, Prof said, "Bring some colored pencils to class and we'll make some mandalas during psychoanalysis week."

It got to where last week Mom said, "So, did you make something out of popsicle sticks in class today?" It was a Foundations and Logic class, so who knows? We may yet.

Last night Prof for Theories said, "Bring your colored pencils again, we're studying Gestalt theory next week!"

I just hope we don't have to know how to crochet or something...

I do know that if we have to sprout a Bob Ross 'fro and blithely mutter about "happy little trees" I'm seriously going to question where my tuition dollars are going.

Computer Woes...or, Whoa's!

2008-09-02T20:22:00.006-04:00

Sometimes you just have to look at the experts and say, "You know what? I'm clueless. Please help me before I destroy something."

That's usually what I say to the nurses at the hospital when a patient wants to make a phone call or something. Hopeless, huh? Good thing they're patient folk.

This computer thing of mine is different. For many a year, as Big Brother explains some of the intricacies of computer hardware, no matter how hard I try to understand, my eyes glaze over and I am reminded of that Far Side cartoon where the dog is listening to his master talk and all he hears is "blah blah blah blankety blah Rover blah blah...." Eventually he catches the look on my face and sighs heavily...poor guy. He then says something like, "You know what? Why don't you just give me that and I'll do it myself" and I know he's finishing it in his head "...before you try to do it and I have to fix it...again."

He speaks from experience. Really.

The man is literally three states away, and I heard that same sigh Saturday evening. The Tall Bald Guy and I took the laptop to the campus library with us to install the whatsie (or download the whoozit, or whatever we were supposed to do to the thing) to be able to get on the wireless internet there should I need it at school. We turned the thing on, we went to the OIT website, we followed the instructions, and...you guessed it. The laptop said, "You want me to do what?"

We tried getting a secure connection, an unsecure connection, a rainbow connection, a French connection--you name it, we tried it.

We printed out the directions lest we remember something later on, and got our books and went home.

After we got home, the Tall Bald Guy continued working on it. He just won't admit defeat. I sorta like that, especially when I know I've overlooked something obvious and I don't really wanna tell him unless I know I can run faster than he can.

After a couple of hours of searching, cussing, dog-scritching (The Dog is really who he comes to see, don't you know), and Diet-Dew-fueled dragging, clicking, and searching, he finds the manual that Big Brother so thoughtfully saved in the bowels of the laptop for handy reference.

You know what? It turns out the wireless internet thing won't work at all unless you've pushed the little round silver button on the front of the thing and that cute little orange light comes on. Whoda thunk?

I do hope I was convincing enough when I said to the Tall Bald Guy, "Well, will ya look at that?" because I heard Big Brother's words come rushing back to me just then-something about making sure that button is pushed.

Did you hear that? Somewhere in Wichita, Big Brother is sighing in disgust, and Sis-in-Law and the Redheaded Munchkin are giggling.

Now I'm going to try and install an Adobe reader on The Young Man's computer so he can do his schoolwork. I am attempting this during the week instead of on the weekend when the Tall Bald Guy is here because Language Arts just has to get done and The Young Man doesn't need any more excuses not to do his work...

Look to the east! If all is peaceful, you will know I have succeeded. If I'm not, the converging storms Gustav and Hannah will surely blow away the mushroom cloud before I'm found out.

Come to think of it, the Tall Bald Guy has developed a disgusted sigh of his own lately...can we blame him?

Now Here's a Ticket I Can Get Behind!

2008-08-31T23:17:00.004-04:00

Those crazy WTM homies are at it again!

"Second Breakfast for All!"

Web Photo of the Day-Move Over, Bill Dance!

2008-08-22T23:02:00.002-04:00

In this undated photo released by the N. C. Wildlife Resources Commission, David Hayes holds his state record-breaking channel catfish while his three-year-old granddaughter Alyssa holds the Barbie rod and reel that Hayes used to reel in the 21-pound, 1 ounce fish in Elkin, N.C. (AP Photo/N. C. Wildlife Resources Commission)
She's a doctor, a surfer, she works at McDonald's...

what can't Barbie do?

So What Should I Be Doing Right Now?

2008-08-21T21:22:00.004-04:00

Hmm...I'm kidless tonight. J is at dad's, the dog is searching the house for crumbs, and the cat has poured himself over the arm of the couch. I'm at the computer touring the WTM Webring and listening to Pandora.

I'm also considering changing the dog's name to "No!" or "Doggie Down!" or the ever-popular "Dammit!"

So what should I really be doing right now?

Ordering J's curriculum now that my student loan is finally in? Done!

How about my cut-and-paste collage for my Techniques lab? Nah.

Fold the laundry that seems to have permanently taken up residence on the schoolroom couch? Nah.

How about reading the first chapter of the Techniques book and taking notes? Nah.

What about working on the 5-page paper I was assigned on the first day of Techniques class? Nah.

Go through the Scope and Sequence of J's curriculum and figure out which lessons to include and which to drop? Oy.

Then again, I could work ahead on the second chapter of that excrutiating book for my theories class...try to find definitions of the major psychotherapies and find where my own beliefs lie...print out and read the readings for next week in whatever class I was supposed to do that...

Nah, nah...and nah.

Blog surfing and Championship High-Velocity Butt-Sittin' it is!!

...oh, heck, who am I kidding?

Let's see, does a definition of existentialism really exist?

Photo of the Day

2008-08-21T08:17:00.002-04:00

Welcome to campus: Indiana State First Lady Cheri Bradley welcomes Sophomore Ramon Ishman, 19, of Gary to campus Wednesday at her lemonade stand in front of the president's office. Joseph C. Garza / The Tribune-Star

New ISU first lady sets up lemonade stand to greet students, faculty and staff
Effort by ‘neighbors’ impresses Sycamore students

By Sue Loughlin The Tribune-Star

TERRE HAUTE — Dressed in Sycamore blue and white, Cheri Bradley welcomed Indiana State University students, faculty and staff back to campus Wednesday with a lemonade stand set up in front of Condit House.

Bradley is the wife of Dan Bradley, ISU’s new president.

ISU’s outgoing first lady chatted with students, offered them words of encouragement and showed great interest in attending their activities.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she told one group of students who had stopped by. “Don’t be strangers.”She didn’t want anyone to walk away without partaking in the refreshments. “Did you all get some cookies?” she asked. “Please help yourself to some more lemonade.”

She said she came up with the idea of a Charlie Brown-like lemonade stand recently when she woke up in the middle of the night. “I want students to know that I’m here now and Dan and I are your neighbors on campus and we’re a part of who you are,” she said in an interview.

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-16T17:53:00.002-04:00

So, is this traveling by foot or by bicycle? Maybe both.

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-12T15:40:00.003-04:00

Tallan 'T-Man' Latz performs Monday, June 30, 2008, at Summerfest in Milwaukee. A blues guitar prodigy, the 8-year-old has played in bars and clubs, including the House of Blues in Chicago, and even jammed with Les Paul and Jackson Browne. However, the state of Wisconsin says that Tallan cannot play in taverns and nightclubs because of state child labor laws.(AP Photo/Morry Gash)

There's a reason for that, you know...

...guess who else played a lot of nightclubs as a kid.

'Nuff said.

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-12T00:16:00.004-04:00

Beijing Olympic 2008 opening ceremony giant firework footprints 'faked'
Parts of the spectacular Beijing Olympics opening ceremony on Friday were faked because of fears over live filming, it has emerged.

By Richard Spencer in Beijing Last Updated: 6:58PM BST 10 Aug 2008

The visual effects team at the opening ceremonies were so worried that people would be offended by their efforts to ensure the quality of the already questionable air and the safety of the helicopter pilots filming above...and ol' Georgie's playing grabass with the volleyball team in a country where "saving face" is everything. Lordy.

Note to Self: Do Not Attempt Unless Your Chiropractor Makes House Calls.

2008-08-11T23:14:00.010-04:00

Today J and I went to a local nature preserve called Dobbs Park. J and I went there when he was about nine, and he and Grandma and I went to the Native American Museum and Nature Center they have there. Things are just the same as they were.

This is J feeding the birds. Who knew they would like tortilla chips?

This allowed him to get a few really up-close-and-personal pictures of his own.

These guys remain on the other side of the pond with their noses (beaks?) in the air--unless food is being served. Then they deign to come over, usually too late because the others have already eaten it all, and proceed to tell us how unfair they think the whole thing is.

They're actually rather pissy about it. You can see one of them mooning us, he's so incensed.

They also have trails to walk. The woods are completely untouched, save for a few planks here and there to cross muddy places or small streams.

J found a walking stick. It also can be used as a machete, a bat, and an "air sword" (think air guitar). We called it Excalibur.

The park looks so small, and the trails are so compact, crossing and winding around each other, that it's hard to stay on the one you started. When we saw signs like this, we said, what the heck? Let's go that way.

Decisions like that ensure you complete the three miles of trails at least twice, because you're lost...THEN you think, "You know, maybe we should go into the Nature Center and see if there's a map of these trails."

Duh.

"Yes, Prime Minister" Clip: School Choice

2008-08-10T18:49:00.004-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLDb2V86Ei0

"It's looking after children that parents aren't qualified for..."

Hats off to SolaMichella for pointing out this gem!

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-10T18:20:00.003-04:00

We all pitch in wherever we can...

use your talent, I say!

How Sad

2008-08-07T23:44:00.002-04:00

Spelling "truely atrosious," says academic
By Luke BakerThu Aug 7, 11:29 AM ET

Embaressed by yor spelling? Never you mind.
Fed up with his students' complete inability to spell common English correctly, a British academic has suggested it may be time to accept "variant spellings" as legitimate.

Rather than grammarians getting in a huff about "argument" being spelled "arguement" or "opportunity" as "opertunity," why not accept anything that's phonetically (fonetickly anyone?) correct as long as it can be understood?

"Instead of complaining about the state of the education system as we correct the same mistakes year after year, I've got a better idea," Ken Smith, a criminology lecturer at Bucks New University, wrote in the Times Higher Education Supplement.

"University teachers should simply accept as variant spelling those words our students most commonly misspell."

To kickstart his proposal, Smith suggested 10 common misspellings that should immediately be accepted into the pantheon of variants, including "ignor," "occured," "thier," "truely," "speach" and "twelth" (it should be "twelfth").

Then of course there are words like "misspelt" (often spelled "mispelt"), not to mention "varient," a commonly used variant of "variant."

And that doesn't even begin to delve into all the problems English people have with words that use the letters "i" and "e" together, like weird, seize, leisure, foreign and neighbor.

The rhyme "i before e except after c" may be on the lips of every schoolchild in Britain, but that doesn't mean they remember the rule by the time they get to university.

Of course, such proposals have been made in the past. The advent of text messaging turned many students into spelling neanderthals as phrases such as "wot r u doin 2nite?" became socially, if not academically, acceptable.

Despite Smith's suggestion, language mavens are unconvinced. John Simpson, the chief editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, says rules are rules and they are there for good reason.

"There are enormous advantages in having a coherent system of spelling," he told the Times newspaper.

"It makes it easier to communicate. Maybe during a learning phase there is some scope for error, but I would hope that by the time people get to university they have learnt to spell."

Yet even some of Britain's greatest wordsmiths have acknowledged it's a language with irritating quirkiness.

Playwright George Bernard Shaw was fond of pointing out that the word "ghoti" could just as well be pronounced "fish" if you followed common pronunciation: 'gh' as in "tough," 'o' as in "women" and 'ti' as in "nation."

And he was a playright.

Copyright © 2008 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. Reuters shall not be liable for any errors or delays in the content, or for any actions taken in reliance thereon.

While we're at it, why don't we just adopt the 12-letter Hawaiian alphabet? That should keep the poor tykes from getting so confused...

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-07T11:19:00.003-04:00

Women run in a high heel race at Red Square in Moscow, Saturday, July 19, 2008. Participants of the high heel run were challenged to race in stilettos of at least 9 cm (3.54 inches) tall.(AP Photo/Misha Japaridze)

How nice of Russia to throw some work to those down-on-their-luck podiatrists and orthopedists! It would have looked more realistic if there was a one-cent sale going on just past the tape.

Our Schoolroom

2008-08-04T21:55:00.010-04:00

Well, the new school year is quickly approaching, and it's time to get things ready!

I just recently noticed that our colorful timeline is a little less colorful...rather, some of the colors are faded now. I just hate not using wall space in the schoolroom, so I went through a history book of J's that had a timeline in it (which had everything already separated into categories!). I was inspired by the Konos timeline that I was never able to put up in the apartment when J was small--but now, we've gone condo, baby, and that wall is ours to destroy...er, decorate as we please!

The afternoon sun has faded some of the blues and purples in the room, making some categories look pink, but it's still a nice colorful addition to our room--and makes you want to read it (and learn something!).

I took the events and put them in a word file with some fairly big, bold font...a different font for each category should the colors fade (what a forward-thinking person I am--or is that "disaster-minded?"). They're printed out in black ink on colored copy paper and stapled to 2-3 foot strips of bulletin board border. Then I just tacked them up to the wall!

How Sad

2008-08-03T23:34:00.003-04:00

A combination of two photographs shows a view of the Forbidden City in Beijing taken July 28 (L) and on August 2, 2008 (R). Beijing has vowed the Olympic Games will take place under blue skies, not the murky "sauna" haze that has shrouded the city recently, but even on apparently clear days pollution levels may not be safe for athletes.REUTERS/Claro Cortes IV

Funny how the promise of revenue will make some countries clean up their act--not the health of their own people. If they really wanted clean air, why didn't they do this a long time ago? I want to be mistaken.

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-03T16:44:00.004-04:00

"Now with less Hydrogen for those who wish to

reduce their atomic mass!"

Oy.

No Comprende!

2008-08-03T15:03:00.005-04:00

No Comprende, demonstrated here by Fiver and the Tall Bald Guy, is a time-honored weekend ritual that includes lots of growling, nipping, barking, and generally running around like a ninny...sometimes Fiver joins in, too! It's the only way to wear out a puppy around here. Its name is taken from an expression the Tall Bald Guy uses often at work, as in: "I'll teach you no comprende, dangit!!"

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-02T23:08:00.003-04:00

Must be one of those short buses...

"I may not need oil, but I could sure use a few more

science lessons!"

...and people wonder why we homeschool.

Web Photo of the Day

2008-08-01T09:08:00.005-04:00

In this photo provided by Disney-ABC Domestic Television, host Regis Philbin pets Powder, a 44-pound stray cat found wandering in southern New Jersey, on the set of 'Live with Regis and Kelly,' Thursday, July 31, 2008 in New York. Powder was originally known as 'Princess Chunk' until the producers brought out a veterinarian to determine it's gender. From left are Deborah Wright of the Camden County Animal Shelter, Philbin and co-host Kelly Rippa.(AP Photo/Disney-ABC Domestic Television)

Hey, something's gotta catch those New York rats!

The Modern-Day Back to School List

2008-08-01T08:39:00.005-04:00

1) Turn in student loan papers and make absolutely sure they're filled out correctly and completely (yes, I've learned the hard way).

2) Cook and freeze meals for those loooong days on campus.

3) Take the rest of the toys out of the schoolroom and change out the year 2 history and science posters (especially since we left them up through year 3...)

4) Wait for student loan money to come in to purchase 8th grade curriculum for the boy who's just champing at the bit to get started (sorta).

5) Shell out $450 for books for three classes--yep, only three. Try not to dwell on the fact that the book for Counseling 533 is the same book you used in Psy 384 and sold back last December.

6) Clear the dining room table of all the studies and papers written during the spring semester, lest we get confused and read the wrong thing (at this point, it wouldn't surprise me).

7) Change the bulbs in the dining room overhead light to 60 watts so I don't squint my way through another semester's worth of homework and further encourage these wonderful crow's feet that are stomping across my face.

Whatever happened to crayons, paste, new shoes, and a shiny new lunchbox?

Web Photo of the Day

2008-07-31T11:21:00.005-04:00

A child tastes candy made into the shape of the Olympic rings on a street in Chengdu, in southwest China's Sichuan province Tuesday, July 29, 2008. The Beijing Olympic torch relay will be held in the quake-hit Sichuan province from Aug. 3-5, the last relay leg before Beijing.(AP Photo/Color China Photo)

2008-07-30T20:32:00.006-04:00

I’ll bet my professor had never seen this before…heck, who am I kidding?

“When I first turned in my proposal, I wished to train Fiver to eventually jump through a hoop held approximately two feet off the floor. However, this was never accomplished, primarily due to an appalling lack of experimental control. The normal American household is by no stretch of the imagination an adequate laboratory; desirable conditions for conducting such experiments cannot be met completely. The main obstacle to Fiver’s training was the well-meaning family members who asked why there was a hula hoop in the living room. Since this 37-year-old student is not nor will ever be proficient at the abdominal intricacies involved in defying the gravity required to keep the hoop from crashing to the ground, I admitted it was a training device for the dog and a very important part of my experiment. Despite my heartfelt pleas to the contrary, my family, in an effort to make my experiment more successful, decided to “help” train the dog to jump through the hoop, and proceeded to chase him around the house with it. He was slightly afraid of this unknown object to begin with, but his fear intensified with each lap around the house. Fiver now greets this seemingly innocuous, pink plastic plaything with lots of barking and a fair amount of running away. It is this chasing that has caused an irrational (or perhaps rational, given how much he was chased) fear of the hoop that no amount of clicks or treats will assuage—at least this semester. If nothing else, I learned that experimental control is essential for faster, more productive learning.”

Surely with the staggering increase in returning and older students they will become more accustomed to such things...come to think of it, I got a perfect score on this paper. Was it because the information was actually useful, or was it scored higher for its entertainment value? We'll never know.

2008-07-30T20:25:00.003-04:00

Soybeans

The October air was warm and musky, blowing

Over brown fields, heavy with the fragrance

Of freshly combined beans, the breath of harvest.

He was pulling a truckload onto the scales

At the elevator near the rail siding north of town

When a big Cadillac drove up. A man stepped out,

Wearing a three-piece suit and a gold pinky ring.

The man said he had just invested a hundred grand

In soybeans and wanted to see what they looked like.

The farmer stared at the man and was quiet, reaching

For the tobacco in the rear pocket of his jeans,

Where he wore his only ring, a threadbare circle rubbed

By working cans of dip and long hours on the backside

Of a hundred acre run. He scooped up a handful

Of small white beans, the pearls of the prairie, saying:

Soybeans look like a foot of water on the field in April

When you’re ready to plant and can’t get in;

Like three kids at the kitchen table

Eating macaroni and cheese five nights in a row;

Or like a broken part on the combine when

Your credit with the implement dealer is nearly tapped.

Soybeans look like prayers bouncing off the ceiling

When prices on the Chicago grain market start to drop;

Or like your old man’s tears when you tell him

How much the land might bring for subdivisions.

Soybeans look like the first good night of sleep in weeks

When you unload at the elevator and the kids get Christmas.

He spat a little juice on the tire of the Cadillac,

Laughing despite himself and saying to the man:

Now maybe you can tell me what a hundred grand looks like.

From “Hammers in the Fog” poems by Thomas Alan Orr.

If You Give A Homeschooling Mom a Cookie...

2008-07-30T20:22:00.001-04:00

More from the Favorite Random Stuff file...

If you give a Homeschooling Mom a cookie, she'll want the recipe.

She will plan a complete unit study on the History of Cookies.

The family will take field trip to a farm and see where we get eggs, milk and grain.

At home they will make butter out of milk.

The children will want to start grinding their own grain.

Mom will purchase a Bosch Universal Kitchen System.

She will remember she will need a new list of cookbooks.

So, she will order "An Introduction To Whole Grain Baking w/ CD," "Desserts," "The Cooking With Children CD," and "Lunches & snacks Cookbook" by Sue Gregg, also "Whole Foods for Kids to Cook."

Mom orders a 100 lb bag of wheat berries.

Now she will grind her own wheat grain into flour.

The children remember the farm field trip and knowing they can't possibly get a cow so they beg for a few chickens.

So, to a trip to the library to research how to build a chicken coop and to how to care for chickens.

On the way out the door Mom sees the book, "Chicken Tractor" by Andy Lee &Pat Foreman.

They stop by the Feed and Seed to pick up materials and ask where to purchase the chicks.

There the clerk tells them about egg that can be incubated. He sells them a book on hatching eggs, eggs, and incubator.

At home Mom and the younger children set up the incubator while Dad and the older children build the chicken tractor.

Back to the library to pick up gardening books and more books on chickens.

The oldest daughter now starts a business grinding flour for the her friend's families.

While her younger sisters are selling homemade cookies to their neighbors.

The boys have started building a new chicken tractor because they want more eggs for breakfast.

That cookie that started this all? The homeschooling mom's three year old ate it.