
The Caffeinated Ravings of a (Former Homeschooling/Graduate Student) Mom on the Edge
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Container Garden 2012

Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, August 18, 2011
What I Did Today Instead of Housework
He seems to be saying, "Getouttahere, human! I'm trying to eat lunch in peace. I'll ridicule your dog later."
It's Time to Get Back at it!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sunday, May 17, 2009
Recent gossip and a pesky paparazzi ambush have detonated a marital-woe bomb in the world of "Jon & Kate Plus 8," the TLC reality show about Jon and Kate Gosselin, the Pennsylvania couple who have twins and sextuplets. Is he dating around? Is she? Has he finally had it with her nagging? Are they going to stick together? The uncertainty!
While we wait for more fireworks (and the series's May 25 return), maybe it's time for a new show title. Joel McHale of "The Soup" has already referred to it as "Jon Minus Nine." Post readers in The Reliable Source chat room the other day chimed in with the popular "Jon & Kate Separa-8" and "Jon & Kate Plus Dates." Okay, this is a tad cruel but it's fun. What about . . .
Jon & Kate Plus Court Dates
Jon & Kate Mediate
Jon & Kate: Mady's Revenge
Jon & Kate on a Hot Tin Roof
Jon & Kate Plus 8 Things I Hate About You
Jon & Kate: The Shaming of the Shrew
Jon & Kate: Harpy Days
Jon & Kate: The Hatey Bunch
Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Appearance Fees Plus Book Deals Times Ladies' Night Drink Specials Divided by Paparazzi Over the Square Root of Scandal = Sweet Schadenfreude
Jon & Kate: Cold Silence
-- Monica Hesse and Hank Stuever
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Throwback?

Pepsi to Use Real Sugar in 'Pepsi Throwback' and 'Mountain Dew Throwback' in April
BevReview.com
One of the most anticipated beverages of 2009 is hitting shelves with the arrival of Pepsi Throwback, a natural sugar version of Pepsi sweetened with a combination of cane/beet sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Possessing an official release date of April 20, this limited edition soft drink will be available for only 8 weeks.
Could they think of something besides 'throwback?' It's not Neanderthal Pepsi, after all..."Cavedwellers, Nomads, and Food Allergics alike will just LOVE new Pepsi Throwback!" Sheesh.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Ahh, the Yearly Book Sale...

They might as well call it Christmas in April. It's the annual book sale, and is probably the only time you'll find me running to the campus library on a weekday.
At eight o'clock in the morning, no less--with a Tall Bald Guy and a Young Man in tow. Not that they weren't excited about the possibilities...it's just that they were able to rein in their enthusiasm a little better.
I told the Young Man last night before he went to bed that he had better wake up when I call him, because we're going to get there early, by God. He laughed at me. "You've said that three times already. Just let me go to sleep. Jeez."
Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to his room early this morning (crowbar in hand to pry his head off the pillow), only to find him sitting up in bed looking at me. "I'm awake already!" TGAPM jumped about three feet in the air--sure beats caffeine for waking up in the morning. Either he wanted to go too or he was afraid to keep his mother away from a stack of random musty library castoffs. Smart guy.
I told the Tall Bald Guy a couple of days ago, right after I saw the ad on the campus website, which was right after I hung up the phone with him. Something that good just couldn't wait. He laughed at me too, but there was a sardonic tone to it, as he remembers last year's sale. Fortunately, the memory of last year's sore biceps from carrying all the random musty library castoffs of 2008 was overshadowed by the memory of lurking in the ancient history and science fiction sections.
The Tall Bald Guy not only shared our enthusiasm for random musty library castoffs, he suggested getting there soon after the sale opens in order to find a parking space in the actual parking lot of the library. The over-celebrated, tremendously hyped student-fitness-center-in-construction takes up half the original parking lot space there (as well as $200 a year of my money!), and the construction workers' vehicles take up another fourth of it--and as I remember, the undergrads who can actually pry themselves out of their beds or who are still drunk when they arrive at their 8:00 classes are a mighty lazy bunch, and the parking lot fills up rather quickly.
We get inside, and immediately my radar kicks in and tells me that the books are all in the back east corner. The Tall Bald Guy and the Young Man mumble, "There she goes," and the beeping in my internal radar gets louder as I approach my destination. Little did I know that I passed a computer at which a male student was sitting viewing a webpage that featured a woman dressed in all the accoutrements needed for...uh...bondage. Yep. Great place for a 14-year-old boy, these college libraries. The Tall Bald Guy said the Young Man didn't see it, "even when I pointed it out to him...just kidding."
In the corner just inside the door sits an enormous stack of empty cardboard beer cases. Yep, beer cases. Miller Lite, Budwiser, and Bud Light all over the place. "How nice of the frat boys to help the library out like that," says the Tall Bald Guy. How nice indeed. They certainly went the extra mile for this fine institution.
Not that I was too proud to carry one, mind you. Or, should I say, I was not too proud to tell the Young Man to go get one. He and the Tall Bald Guy each got a box in anticipation of the carnage that was to come, and followed me at a safe distance as I perused the titles on every table. At one point, seeing the guys' boxes filling up so fast, one of the library ladies asked us if everything was okay, and the Tall Bald Guy quipped, "We may just fill up all of your boxes here. I don't suppose you have anything with wheels?" A few minutes later, said library lady brought us a cart to put our boxes on. You don't joke around with the library ladies--they're serious about their book selling! We ended up filling three boxes, and the Young Man patiently followed behind me, pushing the cart wherever I went. The Tall Bald Guy said, "you know, people are looking at you being followed by that cart," to which I snapped, "I'm not the one who suggested a wheeled box, am I?" but secretly I was glad for it. This is the first book sale for the Young Man, and I didn't want him overwhelmed; as it was, the Tall Bald Guy nearly ended up curled up in the fetal position in the back of the truck after last year's sale, rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself.
We found books for everyone--even a Mitford series book that the Grandma Behind the Curtain hasn't read yet. The Far Side books for the Young Man and me, selections by Poe and Herriot, and even The Cartoon History of the Universe and The Cartoon History of the United States. Also found were an older edition of a psychopathology handbook and The Oxford Companion to United States History, snapped up and purchased for $2 apiece-their retail prices are $175.00 and $87.95, respectively.
The Tall Bald Guy came away with volumes related to the medical terminology and A&P classes he has coming up this summer, guaranteed to assist him in all that gross anatomical ickiness that makes my stomach go all squishy. He spent $16 and came away with hundreds of dollars worth of books. The Young Man and I spent $24--when we got home, I searched for the prices of these books new, and they would have cost approximately $630.
Sigh. Nothing like a good book sale. Next time (I have already pestered the Tall Bald Guy about taking me on Saturday) the two guys will take plenty of ibuprofen first. The contented sighs as I look over my merchandise almost didn't drown out the moaning and groaning about biceps and lower backs and "those dang beer boxes."
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
And the Reigning Champion, The Great and Powerful Mom!

I have outdone myself.
Truly.
Once again, I have proven that I am The Great and Powerful Mom.
How, you say? By taking advantage of the Young Man's medicine head.
...which I suppose is not really a victory, but it was fun!
I told him on the way home tonight that I purchased a Groundhog pizza for him to cook while I was away at school--in celebration of the day and all.
"Groundhog? Really?"
"Yep."
"People eat that?"
"Yep. Lots of people do."
Fast forward to bedtime. I ask, "So, are you going to have Kody over for some Groundhog pizza tomorrow?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Why don't you go check the freezer?"
He checks the freezer and can't find it.
I tell him to look again. He still can't find it.
"I found the sausage ones, but not the groundhog."
I actually have to point it out to him. "You know, GROUND HOG?"
Oh, to be 14 and zonked out on cold medicine...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Reflections on a Winter's Day
2. Additionally, there is a sense that this suburbanite has conquered the elements—at least, when it comes to ice cream cravings. As long as the vanilla, sugar, and milk hold out, I can go out and conquer the wild snowdrift!
3. The Young Man’s cold takes on a new level of worry in 10 ½ inches of snow…perhaps it’s just the possibility of bronchitis in 10 ½ inches of snow.
4. Black dogs look like they’ve been heavily salted after a frolic in the snow.
5. When the Tall Bald Guy, who hails from Pennsylvania, says that “when the snow gets deep enough the dog will figure out how to lift a leg”…he’s right.
6. Leg warmers may be a fashion don’t, but they’re a toasty don’t. When your classmate says, “That’s so Eighties!” agree and say, “Totally! And my feet are warm, too.”
Ode to an Indiana Snowman: Winter 2007

We made you…all 2 ½ feet of you.
There was only that much snow…”but wait 5 minutes, it’ll change.”
We named you Lumpy because, well, you were. Sculptors, we’re not.
A few hours later your eyes fell out, and we named you Homer (not Simpson! says the Young Man).
Later that afternoon your nose fell off, and we named you Michael Jackson.
The next morning your arms fell off, and you again became Lumpy
Because, well…you were.
That afternoon you were jaundiced. The dog found you especially interesting.
Such is the life of an Indiana Snowman.
Unpredictable. Ever-changing. Ephemeral.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Uhh...yeah.

EASTON, Pa. (AP) — The father of 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, denied a birthday cake with the child's full name on it by one New Jersey supermarket, is asking for a little tolerance.
Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the nearby ShopRite, but also with an outpouring of angry Internet postings in response to a local newspaper article about the cake.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
You Know You've Crafted Yourself Silly When...
Friday, December 12, 2008
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia --- I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, MAYBE I’ll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.
14. Depression --- Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely
15. Passive-Aggressive Personality --- On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Young Man's Christmas List: 2008

Yes, it's that time of year again, and the Young Man has a new Christmas list. I will not pretend to know what in the world some of these things are, as I have passed the age of understanding (or I'm seriously lacking in mental capacity).
So here's the list, in no particular order of importance. Please note that I am merely the messenger, and all questions regarding items on the list will be met with a shrug and an "I dunno" from The Great and Powerful Mom.
Please note also that as I am typing this list, the Young Man is adding to it. I'm not sure that it will ever be done...you know how it is. It's an ambitious list, and the Young Man is quite aware--because I have told him that repeatedly. He knows he's not going to get all of it, but wants to throw a lot of ideas out there.




5. Wii points.
7. A Gaming Mouse and Keyboard.
TGAPM also has suggestions for the Young Man, which are maybe a little more practical, but nonetheless are things he could always use:
1. Tracfone minutes
2. Rechargeable AA batteries and a charger (for the Wii controller)
3. Sweatshirts--this year he's into the zip-up kind
4. Snarky t-shirts (I think that's genetic--and I'm blaming this one on the Big Brother!)
5. Those teeny little headphone things--you know, the earpieces that go halfway into your brain...yeah, I'm old.
6. Little Caesar's Pizza gift card--one just opened up not a 1/2 mile from here, and the Young Man and the Codester are loving it!
AND..I'm really going to say it...SOCKS. Ha!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Sigh...
Over the last couple of weeks I (and a couple of enthusiastic neighbors) had the pleasure of helping out a friend with her 9-year-old boy. He loves science, computer games, and building things with toothpicks and marshmallows.
We stepped back a bit to get some schoolwork done but include the Little Guy at the same time, and we all had a blast. Either Little Guy has more energy than the Young Man did at nine, or I'm just getting old and out of shape...I think we all know which one is true!
There were sunny fall days at the park, afternoons spent flying toy planes and experimenting with loops and dives (and a score of rubber-ball pitches into the tree to get said toy down--TGAPM's still got it!), Spanish lessons (complete with serious competitions for the aforementioned marshmallows) and Toothpick Fish. Here's a link:
http://genetics-education-partnership.mbt.washington.edu/download/toothpickfish.pdf
Of course, we couldn't pass up the chance to do some Bikini Bottom genetic research with Spongebob and pals...
http://www.oswego308.org/schools/uploads/files/71765/Spongebob%20Genetics_1.pdf
...and I learned that structures made out of toothpicks and marshmallows can only go up six stories before the marshmallows completely give way. Next time we'll wait a few days for them to harden and add more stories.
Actually, I think Little Guy's Mom was pretty lucky to get him back at the end of the two weeks. He's a cute little stinker, and lots of fun, and I think my neighbors seriously considered not returning him home to Mom.
It was a great break from the ordinary, and we had a lot of fun, but unfortunately it's time to trade in the toys for the textbooks. The Young Man left in my house is currently flipping through one of my new favorite books:
The Teenager's Guide to the Real World
by Marshall Brain
http://www.bygpub.com/books/tg2rw/index.htm
He likes the format, and he likes knowing he's one up on his contemporaries...for example, just today he said that suits weren't really stuffy after all and that he understands why people in a suit are taken more seriously.
Why didn't they make a book like this a long time ago?
So while it was fun tripping down Memory Lane for a while, I think it's time to reenter the world of 20th century history and pre-algebra, as well as the lilting strains of "Dangit!" and "Hepl!!" that waft through the house (and yes, that's really spelled h-e-p-l, pronounced "hepuhl!").
Sigh...what fun.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
"Oww Wii"

By Will Albritton / The Fresno Bee
12/14/06 17:55:17
Kevin Wray says he's never seen a gaming system as interactive as the new Nintendo Wii. And as an avid gamer, he's seen them all.
But with a gaming console that requires its players to stand up and move around comes a price: muscle soreness. Exercise physiologist and Fresno State professor Felicia Greer says the Wii is good for video gamers who may not otherwise get any exercise, as long as they prepare their bodies for the movements they're about to make.
While that video focuses on one health risk associated with the Wii, Greer (who's quickly becoming our resident health expert,) says gaming systems like the Wii could have major benefits, such as combating the ever-increasing obesity problem with today's youth.






