Reflections on a Winter's Day

1. Snow ice cream is really good no matter how cold it is.

2. Additionally, there is a sense that this suburbanite has conquered the elements—at least, when it comes to ice cream cravings. As long as the vanilla, sugar, and milk hold out, I can go out and conquer the wild snowdrift!

3. The Young Man’s cold takes on a new level of worry in 10 ½ inches of snow…perhaps it’s just the possibility of bronchitis in 10 ½ inches of snow.

4. Black dogs look like they’ve been heavily salted after a frolic in the snow.

5. When the Tall Bald Guy, who hails from Pennsylvania, says that “when the snow gets deep enough the dog will figure out how to lift a leg”…he’s right.

6. Leg warmers may be a fashion don’t, but they’re a toasty don’t. When your classmate says, “That’s so Eighties!” agree and say, “Totally! And my feet are warm, too.”

Ode to an Indiana Snowman: Winter 2007

Born the morning after an Indiana snowstorm

We made you…all 2 ½ feet of you.

There was only that much snow…”but wait 5 minutes, it’ll change.”

We named you Lumpy because, well, you were. Sculptors, we’re not.

A few hours later your eyes fell out, and we named you Homer (not Simpson! says the Young Man).

Later that afternoon your nose fell off, and we named you Michael Jackson.

The next morning your arms fell off, and you again became Lumpy
Because, well…you were.

That afternoon you were jaundiced. The dog found you especially interesting.

Such is the life of an Indiana Snowman.

Unpredictable. Ever-changing. Ephemeral.

Uhh...yeah.

EASTON, Pa. (AP) — The father of 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, denied a birthday cake with the child's full name on it by one New Jersey supermarket, is asking for a little tolerance.
Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the nearby ShopRite, but also with an outpouring of angry Internet postings in response to a local newspaper article about the cake.

Okay, where to start? Let's see...another redneck spouting off and using his children to forward his agenda-for the third year in a row, even...who wanted his son's MIDDLE name on the cake, too (who does that?)...who named his other kids Honszlynn Hinler and Aryan Nation (note the brown eyes on the kid)...who KEPT the name Heath instead of changing his own name, preferring to sentence his children to a lifetime of unemployment, harassment, embarrassment, and possibly endanger their lives.

I suppose even bad publicity is publicity...

You Know You've Crafted Yourself Silly When...

http://www.bored.com/games/play/93/Coaster-Maker.html

You read "Coaster Maker" and think coffee tables, not theme parks.

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia --- I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, MAYBE I’ll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...

10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

14. Depression --- Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely

15. Passive-Aggressive Personality --- On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

The Young Man's Christmas List: 2008

Yes, it's that time of year again, and the Young Man has a new Christmas list. I will not pretend to know what in the world some of these things are, as I have passed the age of understanding (or I'm seriously lacking in mental capacity).

So here's the list, in no particular order of importance. Please note that I am merely the messenger, and all questions regarding items on the list will be met with a shrug and an "I dunno" from The Great and Powerful Mom.

Please note also that as I am typing this list, the Young Man is adding to it. I'm not sure that it will ever be done...you know how it is. It's an ambitious list, and the Young Man is quite aware--because I have told him that repeatedly. He knows he's not going to get all of it, but wants to throw a lot of ideas out there.

1. The Wii version of Sonic Unleashed.

2. A new GameCube controller--non-wireless, please. (TGAPM note: He has recently done some surgery on his controllers, replacing good parts for bad ones. Yes, the Rest Home for Wayward and Elderly Electronics is well under way here in Indiana...actually, ours is just a satellite location; just ask the Tall Bald Guy)

3. The World Ends With You for the DS.

4. A Classic Controller for the Wii. (So he and the Codester can play more games together.)

5. Wii points.

6. Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii

TGAPM Note: The nut went out and bought it with the rest of his birthday money. Sheesh. I have sentenced him to forty lashes with wet garland.

7. A Gaming Mouse and Keyboard.

8. Stuff to make the computer games run faster. (TGAPM note: The Tall Bald Guy said something about memory for the computer, but my own memory fails me, so I'm just quoting the Young Man on this one.)

TGAPM also has suggestions for the Young Man, which are maybe a little more practical, but nonetheless are things he could always use:

1. Tracfone minutes

2. Rechargeable AA batteries and a charger (for the Wii controller)

3. Sweatshirts--this year he's into the zip-up kind

4. Snarky t-shirts (I think that's genetic--and I'm blaming this one on the Big Brother!)

5. Those teeny little headphone things--you know, the earpieces that go halfway into your brain...yeah, I'm old.

6. Little Caesar's Pizza gift card--one just opened up not a 1/2 mile from here, and the Young Man and the Codester are loving it!

AND..I'm really going to say it...SOCKS. Ha!

Sigh...

Seems I forgot how fun it was home schooling a little boy.

Over the last couple of weeks I (and a couple of enthusiastic neighbors) had the pleasure of helping out a friend with her 9-year-old boy. He loves science, computer games, and building things with toothpicks and marshmallows.

We stepped back a bit to get some schoolwork done but include the Little Guy at the same time, and we all had a blast. Either Little Guy has more energy than the Young Man did at nine, or I'm just getting old and out of shape...I think we all know which one is true!

There were sunny fall days at the park, afternoons spent flying toy planes and experimenting with loops and dives (and a score of rubber-ball pitches into the tree to get said toy down--TGAPM's still got it!), Spanish lessons (complete with serious competitions for the aforementioned marshmallows) and Toothpick Fish. Here's a link:

http://genetics-education-partnership.mbt.washington.edu/download/toothpickfish.pdf

Of course, we couldn't pass up the chance to do some Bikini Bottom genetic research with Spongebob and pals...

http://www.oswego308.org/schools/uploads/files/71765/Spongebob%20Genetics_1.pdf

...and I learned that structures made out of toothpicks and marshmallows can only go up six stories before the marshmallows completely give way. Next time we'll wait a few days for them to harden and add more stories.

Actually, I think Little Guy's Mom was pretty lucky to get him back at the end of the two weeks. He's a cute little stinker, and lots of fun, and I think my neighbors seriously considered not returning him home to Mom.

It was a great break from the ordinary, and we had a lot of fun, but unfortunately it's time to trade in the toys for the textbooks. The Young Man left in my house is currently flipping through one of my new favorite books:

The Teenager's Guide to the Real World
by Marshall Brain

http://www.bygpub.com/books/tg2rw/index.htm

He likes the format, and he likes knowing he's one up on his contemporaries...for example, just today he said that suits weren't really stuffy after all and that he understands why people in a suit are taken more seriously.

Why didn't they make a book like this a long time ago?

So while it was fun tripping down Memory Lane for a while, I think it's time to reenter the world of 20th century history and pre-algebra, as well as the lilting strains of "Dangit!" and "Hepl!!" that waft through the house (and yes, that's really spelled h-e-p-l, pronounced "hepuhl!").

Sigh...what fun.