Fun, Watchable! Damn.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film

You Redo the Math

The Washington Post
Sunday, May 17, 2009

Recent gossip and a pesky paparazzi ambush have detonated a marital-woe bomb in the world of "Jon & Kate Plus 8," the TLC reality show about Jon and Kate Gosselin, the Pennsylvania couple who have twins and sextuplets. Is he dating around? Is she? Has he finally had it with her nagging? Are they going to stick together? The uncertainty!

While we wait for more fireworks (and the series's May 25 return), maybe it's time for a new show title. Joel McHale of "The Soup" has already referred to it as "Jon Minus Nine." Post readers in The Reliable Source chat room the other day chimed in with the popular "Jon & Kate Separa-8" and "Jon & Kate Plus Dates." Okay, this is a tad cruel but it's fun. What about . . .

Jon & Kate Plus Court Dates

Jon & Kate Mediate

Jon & Kate: Mady's Revenge

Jon & Kate on a Hot Tin Roof

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Things I Hate About You

Jon & Kate: The Shaming of the Shrew

Jon & Kate: Harpy Days

Jon & Kate: The Hatey Bunch

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Appearance Fees Plus Book Deals Times Ladies' Night Drink Specials Divided by Paparazzi Over the Square Root of Scandal = Sweet Schadenfreude

Jon & Kate: Cold Silence

-- Monica Hesse and Hank Stuever

Throwback?

Pepsi to Use Real Sugar in 'Pepsi Throwback' and 'Mountain Dew Throwback' in April

BevReview.com

One of the most anticipated beverages of 2009 is hitting shelves with the arrival of Pepsi Throwback, a natural sugar version of Pepsi sweetened with a combination of cane/beet sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Possessing an official release date of April 20, this limited edition soft drink will be available for only 8 weeks.

Could they think of something besides 'throwback?' It's not Neanderthal Pepsi, after all..."Cavedwellers, Nomads, and Food Allergics alike will just LOVE new Pepsi Throwback!" Sheesh.

Ahh, the Yearly Book Sale...

They might as well call it Christmas in April. It's the annual book sale, and is probably the only time you'll find me running to the campus library on a weekday.

At eight o'clock in the morning, no less--with a Tall Bald Guy and a Young Man in tow. Not that they weren't excited about the possibilities...it's just that they were able to rein in their enthusiasm a little better.

I told the Young Man last night before he went to bed that he had better wake up when I call him, because we're going to get there early, by God. He laughed at me. "You've said that three times already. Just let me go to sleep. Jeez."

Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to his room early this morning (crowbar in hand to pry his head off the pillow), only to find him sitting up in bed looking at me. "I'm awake already!" TGAPM jumped about three feet in the air--sure beats caffeine for waking up in the morning. Either he wanted to go too or he was afraid to keep his mother away from a stack of random musty library castoffs. Smart guy.

I told the Tall Bald Guy a couple of days ago, right after I saw the ad on the campus website, which was right after I hung up the phone with him. Something that good just couldn't wait. He laughed at me too, but there was a sardonic tone to it, as he remembers last year's sale. Fortunately, the memory of last year's sore biceps from carrying all the random musty library castoffs of 2008 was overshadowed by the memory of lurking in the ancient history and science fiction sections.

The Tall Bald Guy not only shared our enthusiasm for random musty library castoffs, he suggested getting there soon after the sale opens in order to find a parking space in the actual parking lot of the library. The over-celebrated, tremendously hyped student-fitness-center-in-construction takes up half the original parking lot space there (as well as $200 a year of my money!), and the construction workers' vehicles take up another fourth of it--and as I remember, the undergrads who can actually pry themselves out of their beds or who are still drunk when they arrive at their 8:00 classes are a mighty lazy bunch, and the parking lot fills up rather quickly.

We get inside, and immediately my radar kicks in and tells me that the books are all in the back east corner. The Tall Bald Guy and the Young Man mumble, "There she goes," and the beeping in my internal radar gets louder as I approach my destination. Little did I know that I passed a computer at which a male student was sitting viewing a webpage that featured a woman dressed in all the accoutrements needed for...uh...bondage. Yep. Great place for a 14-year-old boy, these college libraries. The Tall Bald Guy said the Young Man didn't see it, "even when I pointed it out to him...just kidding."

In the corner just inside the door sits an enormous stack of empty cardboard beer cases. Yep, beer cases. Miller Lite, Budwiser, and Bud Light all over the place. "How nice of the frat boys to help the library out like that," says the Tall Bald Guy. How nice indeed. They certainly went the extra mile for this fine institution.

Not that I was too proud to carry one, mind you. Or, should I say, I was not too proud to tell the Young Man to go get one. He and the Tall Bald Guy each got a box in anticipation of the carnage that was to come, and followed me at a safe distance as I perused the titles on every table. At one point, seeing the guys' boxes filling up so fast, one of the library ladies asked us if everything was okay, and the Tall Bald Guy quipped, "We may just fill up all of your boxes here. I don't suppose you have anything with wheels?" A few minutes later, said library lady brought us a cart to put our boxes on. You don't joke around with the library ladies--they're serious about their book selling! We ended up filling three boxes, and the Young Man patiently followed behind me, pushing the cart wherever I went. The Tall Bald Guy said, "you know, people are looking at you being followed by that cart," to which I snapped, "I'm not the one who suggested a wheeled box, am I?" but secretly I was glad for it. This is the first book sale for the Young Man, and I didn't want him overwhelmed; as it was, the Tall Bald Guy nearly ended up curled up in the fetal position in the back of the truck after last year's sale, rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself.

We found books for everyone--even a Mitford series book that the Grandma Behind the Curtain hasn't read yet. The Far Side books for the Young Man and me, selections by Poe and Herriot, and even The Cartoon History of the Universe and The Cartoon History of the United States. Also found were an older edition of a psychopathology handbook and The Oxford Companion to United States History, snapped up and purchased for $2 apiece-their retail prices are $175.00 and $87.95, respectively.

The Tall Bald Guy came away with volumes related to the medical terminology and A&P classes he has coming up this summer, guaranteed to assist him in all that gross anatomical ickiness that makes my stomach go all squishy. He spent $16 and came away with hundreds of dollars worth of books. The Young Man and I spent $24--when we got home, I searched for the prices of these books new, and they would have cost approximately $630.

Sigh. Nothing like a good book sale. Next time (I have already pestered the Tall Bald Guy about taking me on Saturday) the two guys will take plenty of ibuprofen first. The contented sighs as I look over my merchandise almost didn't drown out the moaning and groaning about biceps and lower backs and "those dang beer boxes."

All you frutescent-haired foppotees, put down your sinapistic sandwiches and unite!!

http://www.savethewords.org/

And no, I'm not cussing. Honest.

And the Reigning Champion, The Great and Powerful Mom!

I have outdone myself.

Truly.

Once again, I have proven that I am The Great and Powerful Mom.

How, you say? By taking advantage of the Young Man's medicine head.

...which I suppose is not really a victory, but it was fun!

I told him on the way home tonight that I purchased a Groundhog pizza for him to cook while I was away at school--in celebration of the day and all.

"Groundhog? Really?"
"Yep."
"People eat that?"
"Yep. Lots of people do."

Fast forward to bedtime. I ask, "So, are you going to have Kody over for some Groundhog pizza tomorrow?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Why don't you go check the freezer?"

He checks the freezer and can't find it.

I tell him to look again. He still can't find it.


"I found the sausage ones, but not the groundhog."


I actually have to point it out to him. "You know, GROUND HOG?"


Oh, to be 14 and zonked out on cold medicine...

Reflections on a Winter's Day

1. Snow ice cream is really good no matter how cold it is.

2. Additionally, there is a sense that this suburbanite has conquered the elements—at least, when it comes to ice cream cravings. As long as the vanilla, sugar, and milk hold out, I can go out and conquer the wild snowdrift!

3. The Young Man’s cold takes on a new level of worry in 10 ½ inches of snow…perhaps it’s just the possibility of bronchitis in 10 ½ inches of snow.

4. Black dogs look like they’ve been heavily salted after a frolic in the snow.

5. When the Tall Bald Guy, who hails from Pennsylvania, says that “when the snow gets deep enough the dog will figure out how to lift a leg”…he’s right.

6. Leg warmers may be a fashion don’t, but they’re a toasty don’t. When your classmate says, “That’s so Eighties!” agree and say, “Totally! And my feet are warm, too.”