Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia --- I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, MAYBE I’ll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...

10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

14. Depression --- Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely

15. Passive-Aggressive Personality --- On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

"Yes, Prime Minister" Clip: School Choice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLDb2V86Ei0

"It's looking after children that parents aren't qualified for..."


Hats off to SolaMichella for pointing out this gem!

Soybeans



The October air was warm and musky, blowing

Over brown fields, heavy with the fragrance

Of freshly combined beans, the breath of harvest.

He was pulling a truckload onto the scales

At the elevator near the rail siding north of town

When a big Cadillac drove up. A man stepped out,

Wearing a three-piece suit and a gold pinky ring.

The man said he had just invested a hundred grand

In soybeans and wanted to see what they looked like.

The farmer stared at the man and was quiet, reaching

For the tobacco in the rear pocket of his jeans,

Where he wore his only ring, a threadbare circle rubbed

By working cans of dip and long hours on the backside

Of a hundred acre run. He scooped up a handful

Of small white beans, the pearls of the prairie, saying:

Soybeans look like a foot of water on the field in April

When you’re ready to plant and can’t get in;

Like three kids at the kitchen table

Eating macaroni and cheese five nights in a row;

Or like a broken part on the combine when

Your credit with the implement dealer is nearly tapped.

Soybeans look like prayers bouncing off the ceiling

When prices on the Chicago grain market start to drop;

Or like your old man’s tears when you tell him

How much the land might bring for subdivisions.

Soybeans look like the first good night of sleep in weeks

When you unload at the elevator and the kids get Christmas.

He spat a little juice on the tire of the Cadillac,

Laughing despite himself and saying to the man:

Now maybe you can tell me what a hundred grand looks like.



From “Hammers in the Fog” poems by Thomas Alan Orr.

If You Give A Homeschooling Mom a Cookie...

More from the Favorite Random Stuff file...


If you give a Homeschooling Mom a cookie, she'll want the recipe.

She will plan a complete unit study on the History of Cookies.

The family will take field trip to a farm and see where we get eggs, milk and grain.

At home they will make butter out of milk.

The children will want to start grinding their own grain.

Mom will purchase a Bosch Universal Kitchen System.

She will remember she will need a new list of cookbooks.

So, she will order "An Introduction To Whole Grain Baking w/ CD," "Desserts," "The Cooking With Children CD," and "Lunches & snacks Cookbook" by Sue Gregg, also "Whole Foods for Kids to Cook."

Mom orders a 100 lb bag of wheat berries.

Now she will grind her own wheat grain into flour.

The children remember the farm field trip and knowing they can't possibly get a cow so they beg for a few chickens.

So, to a trip to the library to research how to build a chicken coop and to how to care for chickens.

On the way out the door Mom sees the book, "Chicken Tractor" by Andy Lee &Pat Foreman.

They stop by the Feed and Seed to pick up materials and ask where to purchase the chicks.

There the clerk tells them about egg that can be incubated. He sells them a book on hatching eggs, eggs, and incubator.

At home Mom and the younger children set up the incubator while Dad and the older children build the chicken tractor.

Back to the library to pick up gardening books and more books on chickens.

The oldest daughter now starts a business grinding flour for the her friend's families.

While her younger sisters are selling homemade cookies to their neighbors.

The boys have started building a new chicken tractor because they want more eggs for breakfast.



That cookie that started this all? The homeschooling mom's three year old ate it.